grateful (ps. over sa long na post)

i just want to express kung gaano ako ka-grateful to have a boyfriend who is very understanding and patient. few weeks ago, i came across a thought if kaya bang masustain ang relationship namin considering sa LDR kami. ang daming thoughts na pumapasok sa isip ko but i cannot complain because alam ko ang situation sa work niya. 12hrs and everyday shift, no weekends, at uuwing sobrang pagod. he can barely even have time for himself kaya madalas niya akong nakakatulugan sa call. i cannot help but to overthink kung kaya ba at minsan nagtatampo na ako dahil hindi na siya masyado makapagbigy ng time. but i understand how tired he is after work kaya hindi rin ako makapag-act accordingly sa nararamdaman ko and i also think na hindi na valid ang nararamdaman ko. because of this, i tried to keep these thoughts sa sarili ko nalang. but earlier, hindi na kinaya ng emotions ko kaya nag-open up na ako. afterall, ang at stake dito is our relationship kaya i thought na he has the right to know kung ano man ang pumapasok sa isip ko. i felt sorry for feeling this way. hindi niya kasalanan ang mapagod. i also told him to go with his work friends kapag nagkakayayaan because as i've said, halos wala na siyang time sa sarili niya. the only time he could enjoy life without thinking about work ay kapag nagyayaya ng hangout ang friends niya. kaya i really do encourage him to do such. we knew each other since college and both of us are members of the performing arts that serve as an outlet sa academic life namin. and now na nakikita ko siya na bahay-work-bahay-work, i couldn't imagine life. ayokong magdemand ng time na hindi niya na maibigay ng buo sa sarili niya. and ayoko na dumating sa point na hindi niya na makilala ang sarili niya dahil sa pagdedemand ko ng more time. i truly understand him. pero minsan iba talaga ang nasa isip ko at nararamdaman ko. but i am very thankful that he made time to listen. medyo guilty pa ako because he was actually sleepy, pero naglakad-lakad pa siya at lumabas ng bahay just so mawala ang antok niya and to listen sa mga hinaing ko. at the end of the conversation, natuwa ako dahil naintindihan niya ako, willing to change what he can (kahit di ko naman hinihingi) and even told me to tell him if meron pa akong worries na nararamdaman. this problem may not have an immediate solution. but now na nakapag-open up ako sa kanya, i felt better. so much better. edit: patient dahil sobrang tagal ko bago nakapagsalita. i don't him na may sasabihin ako pero natameme ako after dahil i felt like my emotions are invalid (kahit lagi kong sinasabi that every emotions are valid) 😭😭😭😭