Competetive? Insecure? Idk

I'd just share this here because this has been bothering me and I don't know kung kanino ko siya pwedeng i-share. Ayoko sa lahat, yung peke but maybe I am one of them? When my friends achieve something that I haven't achieve yet, I can't be genuinely happy for them? Like, it is not just happiness that I am feeling. I tried my best to be completely happy but something inside me is insecure? Like, why can't I have that when I've been praying for that. And I hate this feeling kasi ito yung ayaw ko sa tao ehh, yung insecure sa achievement ng iba and then they'll throw hate on their friends because of that. Maybe yes, I am hypocrite? Hindi ko naman nararamdaman yung hate sa friends ko, and I know I will never take it as their fault na achieve nila yung isang bagay na gusto ko but still, gusto kong maging genuinely happy for them when they are achieving something, just happy and proud of them. Ayaw kong makaramdam ng negativity about it. I felt guilty when nakakaramdam ako ng inggit or insecurity when I should be happy for them. I really hate this feeling. How can I get rid off this negativity? #NoToNegativity