A month.

Hello everyone. A month. One month na pala yung nakalipas when he said na ayaw na nya. One month na pala yung nakalipas and yet I am still reminded of how gullible I have been. Hindi nya ko niloko. Or maybe he did in some other ways? Searching for those girls na halos labas na ang lahat. Isn't that considered cheating? Checking out other girls, hindi ba yon cheating? I have been silent about it. I have forgiven him. Yet it hurts. Grabe yung takot ko ngayon na magtry to date. Baka maulit lang and I'll be resenting myself again. Nakakatakot na sumugal. Naiiyak ako. Not because we broke up but because I tried to keep it all together. Para lang maging masaya kami. He wanted peace, I tried to give it to him. Hindi ako nagsasalita when his jokes hurt me. Hindi ako umiimik when sometimes I get disappointed over his actions. I tried to save the relationship but I lose myself in the process. Pero ending, mawawala rin pala sya. I held on. Pinanghawakan ko sya kahit sinabihan nya lang akong naaawa sya sakin nung una. That he saw his past self the moment he laid his eyes on me. Awang awa ako sa sarili ko. Yet, I stayed. Despite the disrespect, the gaslighting, the manipulation. Kasi alam ko sa sarili kong mahal ko naman sya. Pero tama nga sila. You can never force someone to love you the same way kung hindi naman sila ready to love you and your flaws wholeheartedly. Right now, I tend to cry over things pa rin. Pero I am slowly getting my life back together. Inaanxiety pa rin ako going out. I have been depressed for months now pero need ko sya labanan or else I'll be stuck sa ganong situation and baka di na ko makabangon. Marami pa kong gusto gawin sa buhay and right now, I just want to fly away from everything and start all over again. Sa ibang lugar kung saan wala ako masyadong kakilala. Just like in my previous posts, I hope we all heal from the things we never talk about. ❤️❤️