Moving past infidelity

Question

Hi ladies! Might have already been asked here before, but I'm a newbie and just want to get this off my chest - and also hear back from you guys. To anyone and everyone who can relate, how do you effectively move past infidelity? Especially when you're still with the person who broke your trust, your self esteem, your heart, your whole world? Been with the man for more than 6 years and the cheating happened right before our 6th anniversary - left me and our 2y/o baby girl (at the time, she is 3y/o now), then came back to us but plot twist - he now has ESRD (End Stage Renal Disease) and requires dialysis sessions multiple times a week.

So apart from not having even a moment to move on from what he did to us, I've had to sacrifice the job I worked hard for when he left us penniless, and I am now his primary caregiver. I don't have the heart to refuse caring for him especially when his parents took care of me and my babygirl when he left us; now it feels like I am indebted to them and don't have a choice in the matter.

I do still love him, of course, but I am also still very much affected by what he did. It is on my mind almost 24/7 although you would never know by looking at me.Talking to him about it just ends in us arguing because he doesn't want to talk about it and says "Tapos na yun eh nandito na nga ako ulit sa inyo dba? Nag sorry na ko sa'yo kailangan bang ungkatin pa paulit ulit yung kasalanan na pinagsisihan ko na?" Honestly, the lack of remorse is deeply disrespectful to me especially when everything I do or see or hear around me automatically takes me back to those days when I was drowning in my own tears while my young daughter just watched and kept saying "Mama I'm sorry" to me because she thought it was HER fault that mama was crying, and I'm heartbroken each time.

How am I supposed to get past this? Would it be better to just leave? Or should I stay and bear the pain just so I don't have to watch my child grow up without her dad (who she is very close to - medyo papa's girl din) or a broken family? I grew up without knowing my biological dad and with an adoptive dad who I never really became close with, and that's something I never want for my own daughter, but how am I supposed to move past the pain of being cheated on, or does it/will it ever go away?

Any and all opinions/advice is highly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance, ladies! 🫶🏻#

Sienna · Answer

Maybe ask yourself this: if nothing changes emotionally between you two, kaya mo bang mabuhay nang ganito long-term?

Theaaa · Answer

I think what hurts more is not just the cheating, but the lack of accountability after.

Aevia · Answer

Hindi ka masamang tao if napapagod ka. Caregiver ka na, nanay ka pa, tapos dala mo pa emotional pain mag-isa😔

Adelyn · Answer

Tapos na yun is easy to say for the person who caused the pain. Pero para sa nasaktan, dala-dala mo pa rin everyday yung trauma.

Lena · Answer

Staying for your daughter is understandable, pero remember din na nararamdaman ng bata kapag emotionally exhausted yung parent nila.

Camille · Answer

Caring for him dahil may sakit siya doesn’t mean nawalan ka na ng karapatan masaktan. Compassion and forgiveness are two different things.

Jess · Answer

Yung “nandito naman na ako” is not enough kapag hindi fully acknowledged yung trauma na iniwan niya sayo.

KLEAAA · Answer

Hindi porket bumalik siya means healed na yung relationship. Presence alone doesn’t automatically rebuild trust.

PrincesMabangis · Answer

I think one reason you can’t “move past it” is because you never actually got the space to heal. The cheating happened, then survival mode immediately followed.

QMoving past infidelity

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Moving past infidelity