my experience with friendship/first crush

I am what people call a "pragmatic" person who's constantly in survival mode. Anxiety and overthinking getting the better of me LMAOO When I first met my best friend, I had my guard up. I had to remind myself not to get too attached with him, because who knows? "He'll probably end the friendship once he finds out who you really are as a person." But this dude genuinely wanted to hang out with me at school for some reason. He started off simple and asked me questions like "What's your favourite colour/subject/animal/game?" I was new to this 'making friends' thing, so I was very cautious at the time. Every snack break, he approaches me, holding his pack of Piatos, and strikes up conversations with me. Every lunch, he'd always check the school library, since that's where I always go to whenever there's no classes at the moment. Every school event, he'd always find me and stick by my side for the whole thing. Heck, he even wanted to walk home with me after school. My POV was pretty hostile, "Why the hell does this guy keep hanging out with me so much?" Meanwhile his POV was, "Wow! She's such a great friend!" LMAOOOO I haven't really thought of it much during that time. I was distrusting of him at first, because why the hell is he so nice to me?? As time passes, he started acting really awkward and shy towards me. I thought, "Oh, this is where he realizes I'm unlikable and plans to end our friendship." I was already prepared for that, and I've gotten ready for that conversation. But as we hung out more, I started feeling these warm sensations rise inside me. Whenever I'm with him, I feel this sense of safety. I enjoy hearing him crack his stupid jokes, jokes that I've never found funny before, were now lughable all of a sudden. I caught myself staring at him, while smiling. I found him so silly and fun, and we enjoy being around each other's company. Maybe he wasn't the guy I had one sided beef with. Maybe the world isn't as horrible as I made it out to be. Whenever he compliments me or holds my hand, I put my walls up. "What if it's an act? "What if it's not true?" I hadn't fully realized I had feelings for him during this time, I was still in defense mode. My classmates kept telling me that he had a crush on me and he loved me. That explains why he was suddenly so shy and awkward. I was VERY OBLIVIOUS to it. He gave me SO MANY HINTS, ATTEMPTS AT INNOCENT FLIRTING, and I'm just like "I don't trust you" 💔 He attempted to impress me with a magic trick, and I looked around thinking I was gonna get ambushed. But in reality he showed me the trick of a pencil "disappearing" with the flick of his hand. Admittedly, I was actually impressed with that. Bruh, he legit saved me from getting badly hit by a volleyball and looked at me with so much concern and worry. He kept asking me if I was okay and if I wasn't hurt, and I interpreted that as, "His reflexes are dangerous. Don't put your guard down" 😭😭 I genuinely didn't believe that anybody would like me, let alone be friends with me. My inner thoughts were so hostile, always assuming the worst. It took the next 3 - 4 years for me to realize that I loved him back. Yeah, it took me THAT LONG. I am so slow 🙏 He must have some sort of magic powers or something, because nobody would have this much love and patience with me. Fast forward, we're together now! It's hilarious to look back on this now. I was an unreliable narrator, if you could call it that. I almost fumbled a 10/10 😭🙏 Lesson of the day: Don't do what I did. Don't assume the worst in everything 👍 (thank you for reading this long rant 😭🫶)