Enough is enough

How can I detach? Like 100% negative na ang tingin ko on this boy na in reality m.u pa lang kami in 3 years.. However, despite that I can't really place myself away from him. Maybe, it's because I grew up without a father and the feelings he provided me at first made me attached so much. Right now, ayaw ko na talagaaaa. Sobra na, this post is not enough para ma open up ko lahat. But in general, cheating,bare minimum, gaslighting,lying in all. But kapag you're in front of him, very caring/mapagmahal. And it's so freaking annoying and nakakasuka, despite all of that I feel myself that I am still into our connection.😖😤