For the Man I Once Looked Up To

My mom and dad have been separated for a long time. Honestly, I wanted it that way because they were really toxic to each other. But even if I knew it was the right thing, the pain they left behind still hurts, especially for me as the eldest daughter. I grew up carrying emotional wounds that I didn’t even understand before. I used to be a daddy’s girl. I always looked for him because he was often away working as a seaman. I loved him so much, always hugging and kissing him whenever he came home. But as time passed, things started to change. He went back to his old habits that ruined our family, until he and my mom finally separated for good. Little by little, my view of him started to change. I saw things that disappointed me and made me realize he was no longer the same dad I looked up to. He stopped supporting us, not just financially but emotionally too. It hurt seeing him become distant, while I was left to grow up faster than I should. Now, I’m a working-student-athlete, and it’s not easy. Every day feels like a challenge, but I keep going because I have no choice but to depend on myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever care for my dad the same way again. Deep down, I still hope he finds a way to fix his life and become a better person. Maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive him, but for now, the trauma he left still feels heavy. What I can do now is focus on healing, finding peace, and learning to love myself again, even after everything I’ve been through.